Sunday, December 17, 2006

Jerry Mathers

Jerry Mathers is the granddaddy of all washed-up celebrities. For all intents and purposes, he was the "Dustin Diamond" of the 1950s, reaching the pinnacle of his life before he even hit age 15 when he starred as Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver on the hit TV show "Leave It To Beaver" from 1957-1963. Here are some early pictures of a young Mathers:


America loved the inquisitive young tyke on Leave It To Beaver. He was a cute and wholesome young boy growing up in a time of innocence. The sit-com followed the young Beaver as he experienced his adolescent years at school, the candy shop, and throughout his neighborhood.

Puberty, however, was extremely harsh to Mathers, as it gave him a good ass-kicking from which he never recovered. Mathers morphed from a cute wholesome kid into an ugly little troll as is painfully obvious in the pictures below:



Rather than accept his fate in life and attempt to move on to bigger and better things, Mathers has attempted to stay in the limelight long after his time has passed. He occasionally shows up in self-parody roles. I remember seeing him playing a washed-up loser (i.e., himself) on an episode of Married With Children in the early 1990s. He also maintains a website where he refers to himself as "An Entertainment Legend and American Icon" even though his only acting of any significance ended 43 years ago when he was a mere 15 years old. He also still makes guest appearances in an unsuccessful attempt to make him seem important and worthy of respect. All of this makes Mathers one washed-up celebrity!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Jeremy Miller

Jeremy Miller was a child actor playing the role of “Ben Seaver” on the hit TV show “Growing Pains” between 1985 and 1992. He was the youngest child in the fictional Seaver family and chosen because the show's producers though he was a cute kid:


Apparently the producers weren't the only one who thought that Miller was a cute kid. An older male stalker took notice of Miller on Growing Pains and sent him numerous letters. The stalker threatened to molest and kill Miller in his letters and even listed the date he planned to come to the set to carry out the fantasy. In one of the letters, the stalker was bold enough to actually write down his home address. Luckily, the FBI arrested the individual shortly thereafter near the Philadelphia area. The stalker was later convicted and sent to prison for his actions.

One of Miller's best friends while growing up was fellow washed up former child star Dustin Diamond. As with many child stars, Miller went through an awkward time while he experienced puberty. His voice changed, he grew much taller, and also outgrew his character on Growing Pains. During this time Miller grew a long mullet and sported huge glasses on the show, turning off many of Growing Pains' young female fans. Miller's character became so unpopular with Growing Pains fans that the producers brought in Leonardo DiCaprio in a last-ditch effort to maintain the show's female fan base. Here are some pictures of a teenaged Miller:




Although Miller acted somewhat effeminately on Growing Pains, causing many of the show's fans to question his sexuality, Miller is supposedly now engaged to a woman. Miller also really let himself go over the last few years - he has gained a substantial amount of weight and is currently working on a second chin and carries a "spare tire" around his waist as shown in the pictures below:



Ever since Growing Pains went off the air in 1992 Miller has struggled to find work. He has not had roles of any significance other than 2000 and 2004 Growing Pains TV reunion movies. He supposedly wants to be a chef but is having trouble breaking into the culinary arts. According to Former Child Star Central, Miller was spotting in 2005 working as a shift manager at a fast food restaurant in California and mentioned that he still wants to be a chef. He was also seen driving a Dodge Omni. All of this makes him one washed up celebrity!

*** Update *** - January 22, 2007
Jeremy Miller appeared in a McDonald's commercial a couple weeks after this post was originally written, solidifying his status as a washed-up actor.

*** Update *** - October 25, 2009
Someone sent me this picture of Miller and his fiance. It appears as though Miller has lost much of his excess body fat that he had accumulated during the slow years after Growing Pains was canceled.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Taran Noah Smith

Taran Noah Smith was a child actor playing the role of “Mark Taylor” on “Home Improvement” between 1991 and 1999. Home Improvement fans often couldn’t remember his real name, and instead affectionately referred to him as “the ugly kid on Home Improvement.”

He was only 7 years old when Home Improvement started. He looked a little bit dorky in his first years on the show but appeared to be normal on the surface. Here’s a picture of Taran in his youth:



Puberty, unfortunately, was not kind to Taran, as he started breaking out in acne and quickly grew tall and lanky to the point at which he was several inches taller than Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who played his older brother on the show. By the time Home Improvement finally went off the air in 1999, Smith was a really goofy-looking teenager. He also seemed to look more and more gay with each successive season of the show. Here are some pictures of Smith partying with several guys who appear to be flaming gay (I can only speculate as to what kind of hijinx were going on at their party):




In 2001, at age 17, he married Heidi Van Pelt, a 33-year-old woman (they are shown together in the first picture below). He also sued his parents for control of a $1.5 million trust fund created with his Home Improvement earnings that his parents were pilfering. It’s unclear as to whether Smith married Van Pelt to get away from his parents, cover up the fact that he’s gay, or whether he indeed feel in love with her. One thing that is certain, however, is that Smith is a grease-ball who hasn’t washed his face or hair since about 1989, as one can clearly in the second picture below which was taken in September 2005. Smith is dressed as though he’s going to a costume party – someone should tell him that he should wait until Halloween before dressing up as a freak and going out in public. All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!



Update - July 17, 2007

Taran Noah Smith has become far more washed up than anyone could have ever predicted. It certainly seems as though Van Pelt was only after Smith's money, as his parents had initially warned him about. He and Van Pelt divorced on February 2, 2007 and he recently lost his house to foreclosure. It
was reported that he and/or Van Pelt completely trashed his 4 bedroom/4 bath house located in the Los Angeles suburb of Sherman Oaks. Apparently the entire house reeks of the smell of "shit" and "piss," holes have been punched in the walls, and odd messages are spray painted all of the inside of the house. A real estate tear-sheet for teh house reads "Absolutely the worst house in a prime location," and the house is now on the market for a mere $1.149 million.

Smith's lawyer blamed the damage on his ex-wife, saying "You can thank his golddigging ex-wife for the debacle he's in."




Update - August 10, 2007

Smith was recently interviewed by the National Enquirer about his recent divorce. Smith said, "I guess I'm living proof that love is blind. I've lost my house, and now I'm fighting to stop my wife from taking my livelihood away from me. I'm done with older women."

Smith also mentioned that the reason he recently left his wife was because she announced she preferred girls to guys. He said the couple agreed to have an open marriage, yet when Taran found a steady girlfriend, his angry wife smashed every dish they owned.

Smith also said that "friends" were the ones who trashed his home in Sherman Oaks. Meanwhile, Taran has apologized to his parents. "I had to go back to them and say: 'I'm sorry. You were right about Heidi.'"


Update - February 1, 2012

Taran Noah Smith was arrested at around 1:00 A.M. on February 1, 2012 in Los Angeles County for a DUI and alleged possesion of marijuana. Smith was reportedly parked at an odd angle next to a fire hydrant in his 1998 Honda when a police officer decided to investigate and was overcome by the smell of marijuana emanating from Smith's car. It is unclear whether Smith was alone in his car at the time or whether any of his creepy party buddies shown in the pictures above were with him at the time.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Pauly Shore

Pauly Shore is a stand-up comedian and actor who rose to stardom in the mid-1990s overcoming his troll-like looks and incredibly unfunny persona. He started out on the MTV show “Totally Pauly.” “Totally Pauly” ran for 4 years and then Shore segued into movies, starring in a minor box-office hit “Encino Man” in 1992. Shore followed up with roles in movies that are generally viewed as being some of the worst movies produced during the 1990s, including “Son in Law,” “Jury Duty,” and “Bio-Dome,” playing an androgynous fruitcake in each.




When the American public finally realized his lack of comedic talent, Shore's movie roles dried up. In an effort to regain the spotlight, Shore appears to have gotten a hair transplant (or hair plugs) as show in the picture below.


Shore recently realized that desperate times call for desperate measures and needed a way to force his way into the public eye. So he decided it would be funny to stage a beating at one of his standup shows. Look at the Youtube video below. It looks real, doesn’t it? I was also convinced until I read this article that it was nothing more than a setup by a comic whose time has long-since slipped away. All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!




*** Update - November 9, 2007 ***

TMZ.com recently added some new pictures of Pauly Shore hanging out at the beach. I'm amazed at how fat and out-of-shape Pauly Shore has become:


Monday, October 30, 2006

Dennis Haskins

Dennis Haskins played "Mr. Belding" on the TV shows "Good Morning Miss Bliss," "Saved By The Bell," and "Saved By The Bell: The New Class" between 1987 and 2000. Here's a picture of Dennis Haskins from his early days on Saved By The Bell:

When Saved By The Bell went off the air in 2000 Haskins struggled to find acting work and he undoubtedly felt pigeon-holed in his role as Mr. Belding. In an attempt to change his image Haskins grew a mustache as shown in this picture from 2000 or 2001:

Haskins eventually shaved his mustache and became a party animal trying to pick up college-age women at bars. He currently enjoys life and eats every piece of greasy and fatty food in sight as shown in the pictures below. As you can clearly see, Haskins is definitely a washed-up actor!





*** Update - March 24, 2008 ***

TMZ.com recently posted some pictures of Dennis Haskins partying in Las Vegas with women who appear to be strippers. Apparently Haskins is still a huge (literally) party animal!



*** Update - May 21, 2009 ***

I recently discovered that one of Dennis Haskins' first TV roles was on The Dukes of Hazzard. Haskins made a minor appearance in the very first episode of that popular series back in 1979. Here are some screen captures of Haskins from the episode, "One Armed Bandits," where Haskins played an annoying truck driver who sexually harassed Daisy Duke at a bar. Amazingly, Haskins was only 27 or 28 when this scene was filmed, although I think he could have passed for mid-30s.





*** Update - May 18, 2010 ***

I received an email that is purportedly from either Dennis Haskins or one of his operatives. Apparently Haskins is under the impression that I have claimed he has been arrested. I have never written (now or in the past) that Dennis Haskins was arrested for anything and as far as I know he is a law-abiding citizen! This is the email I received:


Dennis Haskins (dennis.haskins1@gmail.com)
to -------
date Mon, May 17, 2010 at 12:08 PM
subject Dennis Haskins article

May 17 (2 days ago)

To whom it may concern,

While searching Google for Dennis Haskins the phrase Dennis Haskins arrested appears and connects to your web site. Mr. Haskins has never been arrested for anything. This is not true and falls into the legal category of slander. This should be removed within 24 hours or legal action will be taken against you, your site and Google. We've taken note that you've adjusted your article to say allegedly but this does not change the way you have tied it into the Google search and does not prevent you from being pursued legally. You have 24 hours as of 10:08am pst

I just lost a lot of respect for Dennis Haskins. I assume that this email was sent to authors who publish different websites. Note that he claims that I "adjusted [the] article to say allegedly." However, the only place where the word "allegedly" appears on this post is in the email above and in this sentence!

*** Update - May 19, 2010 ***

As far as I can tell, Dennis Haskins is apparently upset about this comment left by an anonymous person below (FYI, I did not post this comment and have no way of determining who wrote it):


Anonymous said...

If you yahoo search "Mr belding young women" or go to tmz.com, he apparently has been arrested many times for groping women. Bronson Pinchot is his "party friend".
August 01, 2009 1:02 PM

Because I am still a fan of Saved By The Bell and Mr. Belding, I have deleted this comment from below, although I am still annoyed with him for threatening his fans! I hope that Dennis Haskins chills out in the future and starts appreciating his fans again. He might consider appearing on Celebrity Fit Club with pal Dustin Diamond to try to restart his career. However, I must confess that I am beginning to wonder whether his "nice guy" public persona is all just a ruse...

There is nothing defamatory about this post now and there never has been anything defamatory in the past. However, the fact that Haskins spends his day sending threatening emails despite failing to understand that "slander" refers exclusively to spoken defamation further proves that he is one washed-up celebrity!

*** Update - February 5, 2015 ***

Jimmy Fallon performed in a Saved By The Bell skit on the Tonight Show on February 4, 2015 alongside original cast-members Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Mario Lopez, Tiffani Thiessen, Elizabeth Berkley, and Dennis Haskins.  (There was no explanation regarding the absense of Lark Voorhies or the despised Dustin Diamond.)  Unfortunately I am unable to embed the video, but it can be viewed here.  The skit was very well-received and quickly became a trending topic on Twitter.  It was shocking to see Dennis Haksins in the skit, as he apparently progressed from simply being "really fat" all the way to his current status of "morbidly obese."



Sunday, October 29, 2006

Michael Oliver

Michael Oliver is the first washed up celebrity I will review. You may remember Oliver as the child actor who played "Junior" in the early 90s movies "Problem Child" and "Problem Child 2." This is a picture of Oliver from his Problem Child days:


I would have thought that Oliver would have parlayed his early starring roles into other movie roles or perhaps even a recurring role on a sitcom. However, Oliver has not had any decent roles since his Problem Child days. He is currently a roadie for the band, The Samples, and apparently spends a good portion of his time posting on the Internet Movie Database message boards under the login "Roadiepc." He has also grown his hair long and occasionally sports a long mullet as shown in his pictures below (in case you are wondering, he verified that these are pictures of him in his message board postings). All of this makes him one washed-up celebrity!





***Update - May 28, 2007 ***
I just discovered some information that might explain why Michael Oliver is so incredibly washed up. Apparently he had a contractual obligation with Universal Pictures to act in Problem Child 2 for $80,000 back in 1991. However, a mere few days before filming was to begin Michael's mother demanded $500,000 for his role in the movie or he would walk away. Universal Pictures had already spent a lot of money on pre-production and felt obligated to do whatever was necessary to keep Michael in the movie or it would lose around $4,000,000 on outlays that had already been made.

In 1993 Universal sued Michael for $190,000 for basically extorting the money from Universal, which had agreed to pay the money to Michael under duress. Universal Pictures won its court case after a trial and Michael had to return the extorted money!


***Update - January 1, 2008 ***
Michael Oliver used to have a bio listed on the website for The Samples that mentioned that he is a "Highly evolved old soul with a love of his lady and a passion for swords." Here is a picture of Oliver that was linked in the comments to this post. I guess that Oliver must enjoy swordfights!


*** Update - February 21, 2008 ***

Someone posted a link in the comments below to this apparently gay parody Michael Oliver blog: Gay Appreciation for Michael Oliver. My favorite post on that blog is one where someone wrote:

"Someone told me that they were at a Samples show and Micheal walked by him and he stunk of B.O. Does he have problems or is that just part of touring on the road with a band? He said he could smell his balls and ass from where he was standing."

*** Update - July 1, 2008 ***

A link to this recent picture of Michael Oliver was posted as a comment below. As one can see, Oliver appears to have cut his hair short at least on the sides. It appears as though he may have also kept the hair on top of his head long and pulled it back. Finally, he's either sitting in front of a tree or his red mullet is flaring out at the sides by his neck!


*** Update - December 27, 2009 ***


Links to the following pictures of Michael Oliver were posted in comments below. An anonymous commenter claims that the girl in these photos is Michael Oliver's girlfriend. The woman in the photos below is definitely attractive, so it is perplexing that she is standing next to Oliver. I have to assume that the reason why she is in these photos with Oliver is one of the following: (a) she has a freaky ginger mullet fetish; (b) he paid her to be in the photos with him; (c) he photoshopped her into a photo where he was standing by himself; (d) that truly is his girlfriend. We may never know her true motivation for being photographed with Oliver.



*** Update - April 10, 2011 ***

I recently discovered this video clip of Michael Oliver rambling on and on about religion as he explains why he is a Buddhist. He shows off his massive forehead and ginger mullet (or possibly long hair in a ponytail) in this clip:



*** Update - November 14, 2012 *** 

 I recently discovered this video clip of a recent interview that Michael Oliver gave where he discussed his experiences as a child star on the movie set. Several of his former co-stars are also interviewed in this clip.  Michael has apparently chopped off his long mullet as shown in the interview.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Hello

Welcome to Washed Up Celebrities! I intend to post information on celebrities who used to be popular but are now completely washed-up! Enjoy and be sure to leave comments if there's someone you want to be profiled.